Christian Jokes, Clean Jokes, Best Christian Jokes, Christian Humor: Great Christian Jokes for Kids & Adults.
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Scroll down for lots more, eg “Out of the Mouth of Babes”, “Hymnal Jokes”, plus links to even more collections of Very Funny Christian jokes. Enjoy! 😀
“A joyful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” (ESV)
Enjoy, Stay Cheerful, & Stay Joyful :)!
A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services, when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: ‘Stop! Acts 2:38!
(Acts 2:38 (ESV) says “Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ, for the forgiveness of your sins.”)
The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: ‘Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you.’
‘Scripture?’ replied the burglar. ‘She said she had an Ax and Two 38s!’
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn’t find a space with a meter.
Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: “I have circled the block 10 times. If I don’t park here, I’ll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses.”
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note:
“I’ve circled this block for 10 years. If I don’t give you a ticket I’ll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation.”
A minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17.”
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Several went up. The minister smiled and said, “Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.”
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
“Is there anything breakable in here?” asked the postal clerk.
“Only the Ten Commandments”, answered the lady.
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play. “Here’s a copy of the service,” he said impatiently. “But, you’ll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances.”
During the service, the minister paused and said, “Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up.”
At that moment, the substitute organist played “The Star Spangled Banner.”
This is one of my favorites lol – An FYI for Our Non-American readers:The Star Spangled Banner is the name of the US National Anthem – So on hearing the anthem being played, everyone had to stand up!
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
“Reverend,” said the young man, “I’m so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip.”
The minister chuckled, “I know what you mean. It’s the same in my business.”
A Baker was asked to print 1 John 4:18 on a wedding cake. He forgot, and instead printed John 4:18.
1st John 4:18 (ESV) reads “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.”
John 4:18 (ESV) on the other hand reads “For you have had five husbands, and the one you now have is not your husband.”
People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.
A pastor went out one Saturday to visit his church members. At one house, it was obvious that someone was home, but nobody came to the door even though the preacher knocked several times. Finally, the preacher took out his card, wrote out “Revelation 3:20” on the back of it, and stuck it in the door.
Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with me. – Revelation 3:20
The next day, the card turned up in the collection plate. Below the preacher’s message was written the following notation:
I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself. – Genesis 3:10
The Big Bang Theory: God spoke, and BANG! It happened. 😀
Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, “Good morning, Lord”, and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, “Good Lord, it’s morning!”
There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: “I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it’s still out there in your pockets.”
Confessor: I have stolen a fat goose from a poultry yard!
Priest: That is very wrong.
Confessor: Would you like to accept it, Father?
Priest: Certainly not- return it to the man whom you stole it from.
Confessor: But I have offered it to him and he won’t have it.
Priest: In that case you may keep it yourself.
Confessor: Thank you, Father.
The Priest arrived home to find one of his geese had been stolen…
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
Out of the Mouth of Babes – Enjoy :)!
A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they
were on the way to church service,
“And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”
One bright little girl replied,
“Because people are sleeping.”
Johnny’s Mother looked out the window and noticed Him “playing church” with their cat. He had the cat sitting quietly and he was preaching to it. She smiled and went about her work.
A while later she heard loud meowing and hissing and ran back to the open window to see Johnny baptizing the cat in a tub of water.
She called out, “Johnny, stop that! The cat is afraid of water!”
Johnny looked up at her and said,
“He should have thought about that before he joined my church.”
Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.
The daughter answered, “Don’t be scared, you’ll get your quilt.”
Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning’s Sunday school lesson was about.
He said “Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming.”
PS: An FYI to our non-American readers, Quilt is another word for Comforter
A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, “Boys and girls, what do we know about God?”
A hand shot up in the air. “He is an artist!” said the kindergarten boy.
“Really? How do you know?” the teacher asked.
“You know – Our Father, who does art in Heaven… ”
& A 3year old’s prayer —
“”Our Father, Who does art in heaven,
Harold is His name.
A little boy was overheard praying:
“Lord, if you can’t make me a better boy, don’t worry about it.
I’m having a real good time like I am.”
After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied,
“That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,
and I wanted to stay with you guys.”
A 4 year old’s prayer:
“And forgive us our trash baskets
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.”
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, “I know what the Bible means!”
His father smiled and replied, “What do you mean, you ‘know’ what the Bible means?
The son replied, “I do know!”
“Okay,” said his father. “What does the Bible mean?”
“That’s easy, Daddy…” the young boy replied excitedly,” It stands for ‘Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.’
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
“If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
‘Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.’
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
“Ryan, you be Jesus!”
A father was at the beach with his children when the 4 year son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
“Daddy, what happened to him?” the son asked.
“He died and went to Heaven,” the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
“Did God throw him back down?”
Little Johnnie desperately wanted a bright red wagon for Christmas. His friends were writing letters to Santa Claus, but Johnnie decided to go one better.
“Dear Jesus,” he wrote. “If I get a red wagon for Christmas, I won’t fight with my brother Hank for a year.” Then Johnnie thought, Oh, no, Hank is such a brat, I could never, ever keep that promise. So Johnnie threw away the letter and started again.
“Dear Jesus, if I get a red wagon for Christmas, I will eat all my vegetables for a year.” Then Johnnie thought, Oh, no, that means spinach, broccoli and asparagus. Yuck! I could never ever keep that promise.
Suddenly Johnnie had an idea. He went downstairs to the living room. From the mantel above the fireplace, he grabbed the family’s statue of the Virgin Mary. Taking the statue to the kitchen he wrapped it in newspapers and stuffed it into a grocery bag. He took the bag upstairs to his room, opened the closet and placed the package in the farthest, darkest corner.
He then closed the closet door, took a new sheet of paper and wrote, “Dear Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again…”
A wife and mom invited some people to dinner.
At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,
“Would you like to say the blessing?”
“I wouldn’t know what to say,” the girl replied.
“Just say what you hear Mommy say,” the wife answered, smiling.
The daughter bowed her head and said,
“Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?”
A pastor is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.
After watching the boys efforts for some time, the pastor moves closer to the boy’s position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.
Crouching down to the child’s level, the pastor smiles benevolently and asks, “And now what, my little man?” To which the boy replies, “Now we run!”
It is said that Reverend Billy Graham tells of a time early in his ministry when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon. Wanting to mail a letter, he asked a young boy where the post office was. When the boy had told him, Dr. Graham thanked him and said, “If you’ll come to the Baptist Church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to heaven.”
The boy replied, “I don’t think I’ll be there… You don’t even know your way to the post office.”
Two brothers are terrible trouble makers. They are always breaking things, stealing things, lying, and making all kinds of general trouble. The parents have tried everything to get the boys to change, to no avail. Finally, out of options, they ask their pastor if he can help. He says he will talk to the boys, but only one at a time. The parents drop off the youngest and go home, promising to return to get him soon. The boy sits in a chair across from the pastor’s desk and they just look at each other.
Finally, the Pastor says, “Where is God?”
The boy just sits there and doesn’t answer.
The pastor begins to look stern and loudly says, “Where is God?”
The little boy shifts in his seat, but still doesn’t answer.
The pastor is starting to get angry at the boy’s refusal to converse and practically shouts “Where is God?”
To the pastor’s surprise, the little boy jumps up out of his chair and runs out of the office.
The boy leaves the church and runs all the way home, up the stairs and into his brother’s room. He shuts the door and pants, “We’re in BIG TROUBLE. God’s missing and they think we did it!”
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late! Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late!”
While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again. As she ran she once again began to pray, “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late…But please don’t shove me either!”
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.
A small child replied: “They couldn’t get a baby sitter.”
HYMNAL JOKES – Enjoy :)!
Do you know your hymns? I hope these make you smile:)!
Dentist’s Hymn – Crown Him with Many Crowns
Weatherman’s Hymn – There Shall Be Showers of Blessings
Contractor’s Hymn – The Church’s One Foundation
The Tailor’s Hymn – Holy, Holy, Holy
The Golfer’s Hymn – There’s a Green Hill Far Away
The Politician’s Hymn – Standing on the Promises
Optometrist’s Hymn – Open My Eyes That I Might See
The IRS Agent’s Hymn – I Surrender All
The Gossip’s Hymn – Pass It On
The Electrician’s Hymn – Send The Light
The Shopper’s Hymn – Sweet Bye and Bye
The Realtor’s Hymn – I’ve Got a Mansion Just over the Hilltop
The Massage Therapists Hymn – He Touched Me
The Doctor’s Hymn – The Great Physician
And for those who speed on the highway – a few hymns:
45mph – God Will Take Care of You
65mph – Nearer My God To Thee
85mph – This World Is Not My Home
95mph – Lord, I’m Coming Home
100mph – Precious Memories
Laugh some more: 😀
Christian Humor Quotes, One Liners & Jokes – 7 Funny Christian Humor Jokes
Funny Christian Pick up Lines – 21 Best Christian Pickup Lines
Funny Bible Verses, Quotes & Scriptures in the Bible
Smile, it gives your face something to do!!! 😀 !!!
Finding Joy & Staying Joyful – 12 Practical Tips
Happy Words, Pretty Words – Words & Phrases That Make You Smile
“Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk!” 😀 (Unknown)
Thanks for reading – Hope you had several good laughs! !
Have a wonderfully blessed, stress-free, productive, and joyful day!
Much Love & Blessings,
Bomi Jolly ~ JollyNotes.com
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