Thanks Bomi, this is actually very helpful. Sometimes we may have the best intentions at heart but it just comes out wrong. It is the hard truth. Thanks.

You are right Bomi. Very on point! And sometimes though, keeping quiet is judged as being insensitive. But as you said, it’s about know the ‘right time’, ‘place’, as well as the ‘how’ to talk.

Thought provoking…thank you Bomi

Lots of thoughts ran thru my head while reading this. Thanks!

Tobi, Titi and Marty – Thanks a lot for taking the time to read/comment. I’m so glad it was thought provoking or helpful in some way. Thank you!

Ife, thanks for sharing your thoughts! Yes, it is such a vital vital lesson, to know when to speak, and when to be quiet! You’ve inspired me to add a second verse for today – the one about how there is a time for everything, a time to speak and a time to be quiet, etc. It’s so true, and I think it is so relevant to this topic! I know it’s in Ecclesiastes. I will look it up and quickly add it. Thank you Ife!

Yes my love… It defeats the whole purpose when u r trying to show care without being sensitive. An embarrassing loud comment in the middle of a party about you praying for someone doesn’t go down well. It makes the person feel like the sinner/victim/leper that is being offered prayers by the loud pharisee. Let’s remember care should always be coated with sensitivity and humility. A statement in private most of the time comes across as genuine and is most appreciated. Always put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Most of all God gives us wisdom if we care to listen and think before speaking….And sometimes, we sincerely mean no harm but are misunderstood…However, if you are careful and slow to speak because u r being sensitive, you would hardly ever be misunderstood. Speak because u care and because u want the person being spoken to to feel loved..Don’t speak because u want to look good, holy or because u just want to be heard..God keeps teaching us everyday..We are all learning..

I agree with you on this. Sometimes people mean well but they have the worst timing possible.

I would also say that the person who is receiving the comment/feedback should be a bit more understanding. Try to understand the person’s intentions rather than just their words.. some people are socially inept and tend to say things at the wrong moments..

Thanks for sharing this Bomi. And I love that you used my favorite movie, and that scene is one of the ones I’ll never forget.

Oh. and Bomi, next time I make a blog list, I will make sure to include yours for sure. I apologize for not listing it. Charge it to my head and not my heart.

Hahahaha!! That scene from coming to America is a classic! I still saw the yoruba version not so long ago. lol.
Thanks for sharing the lesson drawn from that, you are so ‘on point’ for this one. Wisdom is profitable to direct even if we have the best of intention, we should be smart enough to discern the right time and the right approach.
Personally there are times I would rather be left alone (when down or vexed), than be comforted by a friend – but I try not to snap at ppl if I’m cool-headed enough to discern their good intentions.
So now, you ‘screamed Good Morning’ to us….I’m screaming back ‘Bless you!!’

Bomi, well said. we all really need wisdom to know the right words to say at THE RIGHT TIME, God help us all. have a beautiful weekend

yes, u r right…..God bless u

U know whats weird i just saw that movie again 2 days ago. but u r absolutely right keep doing what u r doing…and we will keep reading…..

Lovely timing is so important! Lord help me to be sensitive to people around me and let my words truly be apples of gold in settings of silver not a bucket of ice cold water! Thanks for sharing!

nice perspective…. timing is critical but beyond timing, the other message here is the need to be aware and sensitive.

For the one doing the ‘giving’ there is a need to be sensitive and aware of how it is being received and adapt accordingly. Lack of this type of awareness and sensitivity often means a high level of self absorption which throws into question the motive behind the action in the first place (as one of the comments @Arin nola indicates)

On the other hand, for the one who is receiving, it is important to remember that how we react is often based on our interpretation of the action and often has nothing to do with the motive of the actor. What this means is there is a need to be aware of why we are reacting that way as well, especially if we appreciate the action but not the timing… how are we communicating this complex yet simple message… ” you know what – thanks, but this is just not the right time –” so that it received and not misunderstood

or maybe the question really is “Why is it the wrong timing?…”

Nice, keep writing these notes.

@Dehumo – Very true! Thanks for reinforcing the importance of being aware and sensitive, on both sides. I love how you remind us that the “giver” in each situation needs to be able to adapt accordingly, not just keep on doing something because they feel it is the right way.

And thanks for the reminder that the “receiver” may react based on the interpretation of an action, not necessarily based on the motive of the action. Also very true. Yes, sometimes “givers” are misunderstood through no fault of theirs, but I think an important point we should all remember is that whenever we are in the position of being a “giver”, we should remember to be sensitive and aware, like you said – so that our actions are not misunderstood.

One example, as discussed earlier – is a loud prayer for someone in the middle of a party. Here, the action (i.e. the prayer) is appreciated, but the timing is horrible! To address the question you raised “Why is it the wrong timing?” – The “giver” may not realize it, but the “receiver” is more often than not highly embarrassed, their privacy is infringed upon, and the fun they were having before turns to discomfort – they can no longer enjoy the party because of the “giver’s” prayers. Prayers are good, but again – there is a time and a place for everything.

I also love the point you bring up about how we as “receivers” should also try to communicate that message you know what – thanks, but this is not the right time effectively. So true! It is a very important skill to develop as well, so that when we are in the position of “receiver” we are also not misunderstood.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and share your thoughts. It is really appreciated, I love how we all keep learning from each other, seeing things from different perspectives, reinforcing our learning, and provoking our thoughts. Glad you like the notes, will keep writing, please keep reading and sharing! lol… Thank you..

@ Busie – Thanks for sharing – that is also an important lesson to learn from this movie – it is so important to learn to be humble in all that we do, and never show off. Thank you very much taking the time to read and share your thoughts. I appreciate it.

Nicely written Bomi, enjoyed the read…. yes timing, more like the right timing is very important in many things we do n the approach matters as well. Praying for wisdom in this and other areas!!! thanks girl.

Thank you for writing and sharing this very insightful article, Bomi. We need to discuss topics like this more often. God bless.

I love coming to America so much,we also watched it in our household.. our children love it too.it is always good to hear from loved ones or friends.I guess timing has to be put into consideration even when we reach out to people. I have seen instances where someone was wronged,but they did not approach the person who wronged them in a good way and the tables turned on them.so thank you for reminding me,i will keep a prayer as i go about situations.

….You know Bomi, I have always pondered on this scenerio in particular. I could not have said it any better. I think we all have to learn/pray for the discerning spirit. There is a time and purpose for everything. This is where empathy comes into play because as humans, we have to remember everyone handles situations differently. I think it is best when we assess the situation with empathy and good judgement because at that moment it is not about us. It is about what that person is going through and needs at that point in time.

I remember that scene, the Yoruba version was even more funny…..
This in another sense can be related to “making hay , while the sun shine”
Right things at the wrong time, is foolishness. Actually doing some right things at the wrong time, makes them wrong.
Nice one, Thanks:))